Brittany’s Farewell

“When I walked into this house March 2, 2019, I was lost, broken, afraid and nowhere near ready to open up to anyone. I did and said everything I thought the staff here wanted me to do and say. I wore masks. Not only did I lie to them on a regular basis, I was lying to myself. I felt that as long as I agreed to come into this program, I could get my kids back. I thought I would come here long enough to accomplish that and then get back to my life. At the time I was still very much in denial. I didn’t think I needed this program. I was able to skate by and wear masks in order to make it to phase two. I obtained a job at the Chat N Chew on June 2, 2019 and really began to have a chip on my shoulder. I was an extremely miserable person to be around due largely to the fact that I had not yet found myself. I did anything I could to make this house chaotic. I would make up stories just to cause an uproar throughout the house. I was eventually sent back to phase one for my lies, addict behaviors and my manipulation of staff. However, once again, I was able to lie my way back to phase two. This time, I decided to bring a cell phone into the house. I was stuck holding onto old people, places and things. I became obsessed with social media and the life I thought I had left behind. I was able to keep that phone for a few months while wearing one of my many masks for staff. I almost went to phase three at this point when I was caught with it. Again, I continued to lie, refusing to own it, resulting in the entire house being put on lockdown. I was so afraid that my lies would be exposed, that I didn’t even care that all of the girls in the house weren’t going to be able to go home to be with their families for Christmas. I was only thinking about myself. I was in no way focused my recovery, my kids or what I should have been doing. I was once again sent back to phase one and was told I would not be able to complete the program.
I finally hit my rock bottom when I went to court for my kids and was told that due to me not being able to complete the program, my kids would be put into foster care and eventually be adopted out. I had never felt so beaten and low. I questioned everything including my purpose in life, my sobriety, myself. I had let my kids down yet again. I couldn’t help but think that if I couldn’t get my kids back, why should I even stay here? I blamed everybody but myself. I just couldn’t seem to take ownership for my own actions. That is, until I was sent to Karen to be my recovery coach.
At first, I didn’t take the situation serious at all. I just went along with it to keep the house off of me. As it turned out though, that woman was EXACTLY what I needed. She laid into me and wouldn’t let me blame else for my problems. I had to take ownership for my actions for the first time in my life. Her exact words to me were “I will help you as long as you are honest with me”. Karen, Thank you! Thank you for being what helped save me, what finally made me open my eyes. Thank you for knowing all of the evil things I have done and never once judging me for them. Thank you for sticking by my side and guiding me in my recovery. Thank you for taking the time to truly get to know me and for always letting me vent to you. Thank you for always making sure I stayed on the right track. For always being in my corner and always being there when I need you. I could never have asked for a better recovery coach. You have taught me so much and I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am to you, how much I appreciate you and how huge of a role you have played in my journey. I honestly don’t believe I would have made it to where I am today had you not came into my life. Thank you a million times over.”
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